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Articles previously published in The Community Advocate



The Wait List- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

For most college-bound seniors and their families, the difficult search for the right college is over. Applications were filed, acceptances received, and deposits sent. For many other families, however, doubt still exists as to where their student will be spending the next four years. This is due to the infamous wait list that many colleges use to insure that they have a full class in August.

It is not surprising that the college community has found a way around the summer melt that happens to all of them. I question the ethics, though, of dangling a carrot before students who are highly unlikely to be removed from the wait list. There are colleges in our own area who maintain wait lists of 500 or more students. For example, in 1998 one of the most popular private colleges in our area placed 1500 students on the wait list for a freshman class of approximately 2200 while another public school placed 150 students on their list for an entering class of approximately the same size. It is important for families to ask the obvious question of the admissions office and that is, "How many students have you taken from your wait list in each of the last three years." Often, the answer to that question is, "None." The difficulty, as I see it, is that students are placed in a position of not being able to make the emotional commitment to the institution to whom they have sent a deposit while longing for a nod that may not come.

Here are the realities of the situation and ways to enhance your child's chances.

  1. There are no 'wait lists'. There are 'wait pools'. This means that if the female tuba player who was accepted decides to go to another college, the pool is examined for another female tuba player. Colleges need to maintain a balanced class and that means that they need to compare students in many ways that transcend academic achievement.
  2. For every student who is removed from the wait list of one college, another college now has an open seat. This is what is called summer melt. Students are required to send in a deposit by May 1 to the school of their choice even if they are waiting to be accepted by another college.
  3. Students who come off the wait list did some legwork. Once that wait list letter is received, the smart student calls and writes the admission office to declare his/her commitment to the institution and then follows up with additional information which will enhance the college's desire to have this student in the class. The student should send copies of grades which the college has not yet seen, one or two letters of recommendation which show aspects of the student that were previously not emphasized, and enlist the aid of your guidance counselor to find out from the college what else you can do to become a member of the freshman class.
All in all, the college admissions process is becoming more and more complex and competitive. Families need to ask questions freely and make decisions that enhance the stability and emotional contentment of their child. Sometimes the college to whom you have deposited may be an even better choice than the one you thought was your ideal.

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Dropping Off your College Freshman- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

For families who have a child leaving for college, August is a month of great activity, excitement, and anticipation of the unknown. The student very often has begun to either cling to the family or to seemingly go out of his or her way to behave in a manner calculated to make everyone who will be left at home happy to know that college will soon begin. When you arrive at the college, whether it be after a 20 minute or 10 hour drive, some basic insights will make the transition somewhat easier.
  1. Roommates: Your child will be sharing a room with someone who, in all likelihood, is a stranger. Even if many hours of telephone conversation have preceded this day, both students will have to adjust to their new circumstances. It is best for both sets of parents to allow the students to do this with some privacy. Remember that some simple courtesies will go a long way to easing this introduction. If you arrive first, wait a bit before taking the room apart and making it your own. If the other family does not come within an hour or so, then begin making up the bed and setting up your side of the room in a manner that is not disruptive to the other party. If you take the best bed, don't appropriate the best closet space or desk.
  2. Mothers: Having been there myself (twice), I know how difficult it is for we mothers to not take over the task of decorating our child's dorm room to reflect our taste. This is your son or daughter's first home away from home and he or she must be given the latitude to do whatever seems best. This is your child's opportunity to reflect his or her own taste. Your student will want to show you that the room can reflect who he or she is without your input. Offer advice if it is asked for and remember that advice may be accepted or rejected. Don't take it as a measure of your worth as a mother if your child has a different way of doing things. This is his or her home for the time being. He or she will find out soon enough what is a comfortable living arrangement for the pair living in the room.
  3. Fathers: It is very interesting to see how fathers try to outdo each other in preparing the dorm room. It is a contest reminiscent of Tool Time to see who can hang those shelves best or bunk those beds highest. Seriously, though, it is advisable to come prepared with your tool kit as there are many tasks that you will be asked to perform. Some advance information on the location of the closest hardware, discount, and food stores helps save time. All this activity does indeed postpone the emotion of the day or weekend, but it doesn't go away no matter how many trips to the local store you make.
  4. Leaving: Taking leave of your child when all of you are tired and hot is very hard. Accept that. Hug and kiss if your child will let you and LEAVE. Lingering only makes it harder on your child. Be assured that the phone will ring in a day or two and, although it will seem like forever, you will know that you have done your job by allowing your child to have both wings and roots.

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Senior Year of High School- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

There are many myths which surround the senior year of high school which, if they are believed, can seriously damage a student's college success. Some of them are:
  1. Myth: Senior grades don't count.
    Reality: Nothing could be further from the truth. Just as colleges in reviewing applications pay close attention to grade trends for the first three years of high school, they examine the senior year grades to see if upward trends continue. That is the reason they request that first quarter grades be sent with the application, and that mid-year and end-of-year grades be sent when they are available. In the increasingly competitive college market, colleges are more frequently rescinding in July offers of admission which they made in April. The college, no matter which it is, no doubt has a waiting list of students who are working hard to get a spot on its campus. Students who do not continue to work through their senior year to maintain the integrity of their academic records are simply not needed to keep the college roster full.
  2. Myth: A relaxed course load is acceptable in Senior year.
    Reality: Wrong again! Most students have usually completed their graduation requirements with the exception of Senior English and one or two other courses. This is the time to really shine in the eyes of your selected college by showing that you have the intellectual curiosity to round out your program of studies with real courses in areas which you may not have been able to explore previously. For example, you may wish to do a more in-depth course in one of the sciences or social studies or an additional year of foreign language. Perhaps, you have been unable to fit an art course into your schedule previously and now can do so. The point is that you need to be taking courses not study halls which are viewed as free time by the colleges. If you can't wait to get out of high school, see if you can arrange to take a college course or two at the local community college as a dual enrollment student. This is truly impressive particularly if you achieve a terrific grade and can remove a first year requirement from your college load.
  3. Myth: Once I am accepted, it doesn't matter what I do.
    Reality: Disciplinary infractions in the senior year count just as heavily as those from other years. Colleges are particularly sensitive to alcohol and drug related issues. Don't get yourself in trouble here.
The bottom line is that you must show that you are willing to continue to strive to be the best student and person that you can be. Colleges want to see students who realize that there is a great deal more to learn and who are willing to put forth the effort to explore more in-depth opportunities to acquire knowledge. This does not mean that senior year should not be an enjoyable experience. It should! What it does mean that students are expected to have the maturity to have fun within the context of an academic environment. If you can't do that in high school, the assumption is that you won't do it when you are away from home for the first time.

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Beginning the College Experience- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

For many parents, the first few weeks of their child's college experience can be as traumatic for them as it may be for their child. It is important to keep in mind your goal to have your student develop into an independent adult. The following thoughts might help.
  1. Loneliness: No matter how well prepared your student may be for college life, there will exist an element of loneliness in the first six weeks or so of the semester. Parents must realize that this is normal and not respond by trying to jump in and "fix" the situation. Encourage your child to get involved with activities available on campus and to reach out to other students in order to begin to feel a part of the college community. It is important that your child spend weekends on campus for the first two months or so. This allows him or her to get to know the other members of the residence hall on a social level and to find out what there is to do both on and near campus.
  2. Roommates: In our society, many children have never had to share a room with a sibling, let alone a stranger. It is inevitable that some adjustment issues will arise. Be supportive of your child's perspective on the subject, but try to remember that the person sharing your child's room has a parent who is hearing an entirely different story than you are hearing. We would like to believe that our children are right all the time, but we know that there are at least two sides to every issue and the truth lies somewhere in between. Give your child verbal support, but don't interfere. Suggest that the situation is more likely to be fixed if the roommates speak to each other openly about what is bothering each of them. If agreement cannot be reached, your child should enlist the input of the residence advisor to act as a mediator. This often brings an end to the problem.
  3. Credit Cards: Caution your child about signing up for credit cards that are not needed. The college market is hit heavily because students do not have the financial savvy to know that incurring potential debt to get a T-shirt is not wise. This problem is becoming almost as serious as binge drinking on college campuses today.
  4. Parental Input: Do not call the college and try to intervene on behalf of your child to resolve any issues. They will not speak to you. Just as your doctor is required to maintain confidentiality for your child, the college needs his or her permission to talk to you. One of the goals of a college education is to develop the child into an adult who can act on his or her own behalf. Let your child handle the details of life at school.
  5. Finally, deal with the change in the dynamics of your home in your own way. Let your child know that he or she is missed, but that your life is going on very productively. Children frequently feel guilty about leaving and it is inappropriate to foster that guilt.

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College Acceptance- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

Now that April 1st has come and gone, most Seniors have received the decisions of the colleges to which they applied. Some of you are very happy, some very sad, but the majority of you are excited to have the final decisions now in your hands. I hope to help you make those decisions.

Wait Lists: If you are wait listed at the college which has been your dream, you need to ask the admissions office how realistic it is to think that you may come off the wait list. Call the office and ask how many students are currently on the list and, most importantly, how many came off it in each of the last two years. In the current academic climate, it is not realistic to bank on being removed from the wait list.

Affordability: Now is the time to make comparative charts of the financial packages offered by the colleges that have accepted you. When viewing the financial aid offers from various colleges, keep in mind that you need to examine more than the bottom line of the offer. You must consider how much of the offer is grant money, which you need not repay, and how much is self-help which includes loans and work study. You are under no obligation to accept all the loans or work/study that is offered if you can fund your education in some other manner. If your first choice school is a little financially out-of-reach for you, call the financial aid office and plead your case. If you can justify why you need more money, and they really want you, they may be able to help.

Visits: It is advisable to make one more visit to your top two colleges. Stay overnight if possible and attend a class or two. Sometimes the few months since you have been to these campuses may have changed you enough to make your final decision a different one than you may have thought.

Letters: Once you have made your final decision, please send a letter to each college whose offer of acceptance you are refusing indicating that you will be attending another school. This will release your seat for another student who may be waiting with bated breath for a "Yes" from the college you don't want.

Confirmations: Be sure that your deposit is received by May 1st. That means don't wait until the last minute. If your money is not in the college admissions office by the May 1 deadline, they can, and often do, release the seat to another student. This is particularly important for the top tier of colleges.

Final Thoughts: If you have not received an acceptance from any college, take heart. There is a list released in May of colleges that still have openings in their classes. Some of these are wonderful colleges whose names are not as well known as those colleges which are in great demand. Speak to your guidance counselor or call an independent educational planner for help.

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Spring Begins and the Waiting Ends- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

With the coming of Spring, the anxiety level for seniors becomes almost unbearable to watch. For the lucky few who have either heard from colleges with rolling admissions or who were accepted early action or early decision, it is a relief to have the wait over. For the majority of students, April 1st is the magic date. The purpose of this article is to help families get through the next six weeks of decision-making.

I am sure that parental anxiety is just as palpable as is student anxiety at this time. Some suggestions for parents to help their students unwind somewhat follow:

  1. Stop talking about college. I frequently hear the complaint from my students that they can never get away from college talk. Their friends, teachers, coaches and parents are always bringing the topic up and the child can't escape it. Home should be a refuge where students know that, regardless of the outcome, their parents will love and accept them. Try to let your child take the lead in these discussions. If he or she doesn't bring the topic up, let it be. Conjecture as to which college will say 'yes' and which will say 'no' is pointless and will have no effect on the outcome at this stage.
  2. Envelopes: It is not always true that a fat envelope automatically means acceptance and a thin one denial. My own daughters each received a lovely card with an acceptance invitation inside and the comment that further details would follow. When these envelopes arrive, PLEASE don't open them! This is your child's show and he or she should be able to know before you do. This applies even if you are absolutely sure that the letter is a denial. You are only saving the pain for a very short time and there is nothing wrong with learning how to deal with the disappointments that life will bring his or her way.
  3. Judgements: It is often difficult for parents to refrain from giving an "I told you so" message either through verbalization or communicating in other ways. If your child has just received the second or third rejection or wait list notification, it is definitely not the time to tell him or her that it would not have happened if they only had studied harder or taken a more rigorous curriculum. The child already feels like a failure even if the rejection comes from a school that he or she had no real interest in attending. Offer your shoulder and encouragement and let the child tell you what is needed. Sometimes what they need is simply to be left alone for a while to lick the wounds.
  4. What Next: Once all the choices are determined it now falls to the family to make the decision as to which college is best for them. When it comes to living space and issues of this sort, the student must get more than one vote. Together you should then look at the financial packages each college is offering and differentiate between the best bottom line offer and the best deal. Often the package that looks like it is the best is stacked with so much loan and work-study money that it is not the best deal. Look for the colleges that are giving the most grant money and subtract that from the cost of attendance (COA) to figure out what the true costs are going to be. If the colleges you have chosen are at a distance, don't forget to add in transportation to the COA.
Finally, step into the background and let your student bask in the sunshine of achievement. This is his or her moment, not yours. If the worst happens and no college has sent an acceptance, there are lists of colleges that have open spaces after May 1st. You can access these lists through an independent or high school guidance counselor. The student can start at one of these colleges and earn the right to attend the college where he or she wants to be. No one asks where you started college. What they want to know is where you finished.

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Transfer Mania- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

At this time of year, I always block out a few hours to see clients who are freshmen in college. These are usually students who have experienced the normal homesickness in the first six to eight weeks of their college lives and who have settled into campus life and begun to make friends and get a handle on the workload. Just when their parents begin to let out a sigh of relief, winter vacation comes along and their child comes home and sees all of his/her friends.

Once they and their former friends, who have often shared their entire lives until leaving for college, get together it may begin to sound like two shoppers discussing the great buys they got at a clothing sale: one-upsmanship prevails. No matter what your child may be saying about the positive aspects of the college experience, his/her friends have one better. Because these students do not yet have the life experience to separate the chaff from the grain, they believe all that they are told and develop a sense of dissatisfaction with their own college. The grass is always greener on another campus and the transfer drums then begin to beat.

This scenario frequently generates great angst on the part of the parents who begin to question the hopefully well-considered choice of college in the first place. They themselves have been hearing from other parents for the few months prior to the semester break that their child's choice was not as good as the choice made in the other family. When all this begins to come together, it is important to remember a few things and to remind your child about them as well.

  1. Each student is a different person no matter how much their upbringing was similar. College selection is still about individual fit for a particular student.

  2. Much of the anxiety is due to the sudden realization that old friends miss both each other and the interactions they had in high school. What they don't realize is that simply being on the same campus will not allow them to relive the glory days of high school.

  3. Remind your students of the reasons they chose their college. Emphasize the positive aspects of their experiences to date.

  4. Allow your student to explore transfer opportunities on his/her own. Do not participate. This will often discourage the application from ever happening. Your child is now a young adult and has gone through the process once and should be intellectually able to figure out transfer deadlines and application requirements. If that responsibility is thrown in your lap, the desire to change schools is not a serious one.

  5. If the application does come to fruition, your student in knowing that another opportunity is available may stay in the college which was originally chosen because by May he or she is deeply entrenched in campus life.
Finally, do not take responsibility for this decision. If you did a good search last year and explored with your child all the options, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Enjoy the second semester and remember that summer is coming and your child will be back!

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Decision Time- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

April has arrived and with it comes the end to the waiting for seniors who did not use Early Decision or file applications to schools with Rolling Admissions. Some of you may be very happy and some less so. The question now becomes: what do I do now?

Good News: If you have been accepted by your first choice school and they have offered you a Financial Aid package that makes it possible for you to attend, my congratulations! It is important for you to let them know that you accept their offer of admission, send your deposit and, most importantly, send a note to all other colleges who have accepted you telling them that you are declining their invitation. Remember that there are many students waiting for the spots that are being held for you. You must do all this prior to May 1st.

Almost good news: You have received a number of acceptances, but your first choice college is not among them. You can do two things. You can take the mature approach and be both grateful and excited about the acceptances you have received and choose between them; or, you can lose precious time to make a final decision by bemoaning your fate. Remember that some of the top colleges deny more qualified candidates than they accept. This is not a reflection on you, but on the state of college admissions today. Narrow your options to two or three of your acceptances, notify the others that you are not coming, and visit the colleges you are still considering again. Attend the accepted students' days and, if possible, stay overnight to make a good decision.

How sad: The number of denials is more than the number of acceptances and you are now totally depressed. Don't be. This may simply be a reflection on the validity of the list of colleges to which you applied. Some students choose to apply to many reach schools once they have an acceptance from a likely college. Remember that this is what you did and don't beat yourself up. Decide among the colleges that have accepted you and move on. If the truth of the matter is that your list was not realistic given your academic accomplishments and your activities picture, know that as well. Good decisions come from good research or by getting help from a qualified professional who knows the admissions picture and colleges well.

What now:
1. No matter to which of the above categories you belong, you MUST have your deposit in to a college before May 1 or they will assume you are not coming and give your spot away. Send this deposit in a manner that will verify that you mailed it in enough time to get to them by May 1.
2. As soon as you eliminate colleges from consideration, let the college know so that they can take someone from the wait list.
3. If you truly believe that a mistake has been made, ask for reconsideration of your application, but be prepared to send additional data to support the reconsideration.
4. Be happy that this process is over and look forward to the four wonderful years ahead.

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The Envelope, Please- Charlotte M Klaar, Director, College Consulting Services

April brings with it not only springtime but also those envelopes containing college admissions decisions which our seniors have been awaiting for what seems like forever. Some of those envelopes will contain good news and some will not. It is important to remember that sometimes what appears at first to be bad news turns out in the long run to be the best thing that ever happened to us. Some facts to keep in mind as you open those envelopes:
  1. Only 1% of the nation's colleges create almost 100% of the frenzy in the college process. There are many wonderful colleges that do a great job of educating students and helping them find out who they are while in college. Unfortunately, many of these fine institutions do not have names that are household words. This in no way means that they are of lesser quality. Remember the old Avis ad: "When you are No. 2, you have to try harder!"

  2. These same colleges regularly reject a larger number of qualified students than they accept. This does seem counterintuitive, but there are only so many beds in a college dorm. Colleges are trying to enroll classes that exhibit diversity in all its forms: socio-economic, geographic, gender (it's harder for females now), special talent, and many high schools, etc. In addition, there are factors such as development, legacy, celebrity, recruitment not only for athletes but also for under-represented talents (such as male dancers), etc. You may not have fit the profile for which they were looking this time.

  3. There are more students applying to college now than ever before in our history. When these applicants all want the same 50 schools, that creates an artificial perception of quality in colleges that are not as great as they think they are. A student can succeed at almost any college in the country; it is getting in that is so difficult. You have heard me say repeatedly that students should open their minds to opportunities in colleges they had not formerly heard of as some of these may provide a better fit than colleges that you may know.

  4. Senior Mantra: IF you have a senior in your house, cut out the following (author unknown, unfortunately) and display it prominently on the bathroom mirror and/or the refrigerator:
    "College admission isn't a judgment on my life. College admission isn't a judgment on my parents or my upbringing. There's going to be some sort of rejection in all this. Successful college admission is about ending up with a choice and being happy a year from now. I don't have to tell Uncle Jack anything at Thanksgiving or Christmas (find a canned response and use it). I have all the information and guidance that's available. I will take charge, believe in myself, and trust the process."

Be calm and know that you will be wherever you are meant to be!

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Got the Letter: Now What?- Nancy Federspiel, Associate Director, College Consulting Services

April is just a time of anxiety. We are anxious about taxes, we are anxious for spring to come, the kids are anxious for the ball fields to dry out. But the April anxiety that takes the cake lies within the high school senior who is anxiously checking the mail and e-mail for those college acceptance letters. Those notices bring with them the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Emotions aside, for this article anyway, let's look at what the next steps are after those letters come in.

The good news about a rejection letter from a college is that you don't have to take a next step. The pressure is off. You have no move to make and no decision to ponder. It's easy - you're done with that particular school.

What about those letters that come in saying you have been placed on a college's waitlist? This is happening more and more often these days as colleges are less and less certain about what their yield (the percentage of accepted students who actually matriculate) will be since students are applying to a greater number of colleges than ever before. My advice is don't count on that waitlist status to change to accepted status. The percentages of students who get into schools off of the waitlist can sometimes be frighteningly low. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday the proportion of waitlisted students who are actually admitted is 35% nationally. And yet I have seen statistics from some of the more competitive schools that reveal percentages of 0% off the waitlist and 2% off the waitlist. The truth of the matter is that this fluctuates greatly by school - again, "don't count on it."

But, if you are waitlisted at a school that you are truly interested in be sure to let them know that you are still very interested. The colleges want to take people from the waitlist who want to come - they don't want to go back to the pool of applicants again and again. If a school is your first choice school then let them know that. Send a letter updating them on your activities if appropriate and let them know that they are your first choice school. (If it is not your first choice school don't say that it is…this will come back to haunt you.) Don't bother sending flowers or cookies to the admissions office…just let them know that you want very much to go to their school via a letter.

The students with the toughest next step are those who get acceptance letters at multiple schools and have at least two that they like equally well. How do you decide? What is the next step? These are the students who have a lot of work to do in April. The answer, after all, has to be arrived at and the college deposit sent before May first. Here are some tips if you fall into this category: First, remember that you are buying four years' worth of experiences and not a college name. This decision impacts all facets of your life, not just the academics, so remember to think of the big picture. Second, try to revisit the campus if possible and dig deeper this time. Sit in on a class if possible. Talk to students in the dining hall or student union and ask them what they like and don't like about the school. Can you picture yourself fitting in among the students you see? Visit the registrar's office and get a hold of a course catalogue. Highlight the names of the courses that have descriptions that sound interesting to you. Which of your schools has a catalogue with the most highlighter marks in it? Third, think through the finances - are there significant differences in the financial hardship that one school will create versus another school? Fourth, spend some time thinking about the activities that you hope to be involved with in college. Does one school offer more or better opportunities in these areas than another?

The truth of the matter is that a few weeks in April is not really a lot of time to make this big decision - it's just one more reason why anxiety runs rampant in April. The more methodical and thorough you can be in the process and the more advice you can seek out the more confident you will be with your decision. And remember, having a decision to make is a good thing.

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E-mail Charlotte Klaar ~ E-mail Nancy Federspiel
Maryland: 301-834-6888 ~ Massachusetts: 978-634-1690

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